November 19, 2014

Only Then

For nearly eighteen months now, a piece of my heart has been missing.
It will not be put right until the day I enter eternity.
Not until then.  Only then.  Then!
In the meantime ~ I live.  I breathe.  I go forward.

And, I carry with me this broken heart.

Every time I hear Fraser play the piano ~
especially when it is something he has composed.
Every time our photo is taken ~ just the five of us.
Every time I set the table for dinner.  And lunch.  And breakfast.
Every time I wash the sheets and iron the clothes ~
and Austin's aren't in the mix.  Or, they are ~ 
because the boys are using them.

Every. Single. Time.

~ Family Photo with Poppa and Grandma 2007 ~

It exposes the broken piece.  The part that is missing.
Our boy doesn't make new memories with us.
He doesn't join us here.  But, we will join him there.
And, that is what I cling to.  The certain truth of it.

We are headed to where he is.  For all eternity.

What a precious thing it is to rest our hearts there.
We fortify ourselves with Scripture each time we feel ourselves falling.
It is the only way forward.  The only way to continue to live.

Our Austin gave his testimony during a school chapel time

about six months before the Lord called him Home to Heaven.
One of the young ladies commented that he was living out the following verse ~
"For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain."  Philippians 1:21
What a powerful legacy.  May it be true of all of us.

May the Lord help us to live as though eternity is all that matters.

Because, after all, it is!  By His grace and for His glory.
From now until forever.

Many Blessings,
Camille

10 comments:

Debbie Harris said...

Amen to Philippians 1:21, Camille.
Yes, all that matters is that we walk day by day living for Christ, by His grace and for His glory.
It is all for eternity and for God's glory that we are even here.
As some say, "we are just passing through."
May we be so sensitive to the Spirit, that we miss not a thing the Lord has for us to accomplish here on this earth.
May your precious heart be encouraged in the days ahead as we near the holiday season.

Much love sent to you, friend.

Joy in Jesus! Debbie

Anonymous said...

" It exposes the broken piece. The part that is missing.
Our boy doesn't make new memories with us.
He doesn't join us here. But, we will join him there.
And, that is what I cling to. The certain truth of it.

We are headed to where he is. For all eternity.
What a precious thing it is to rest our hearts there.
We fortify ourselves with Scripture each time we feel ourselves falling.
It is the only way forward. The only way to continue to live." This is all we can cling to. Camille, your broken heart mirrors mine today. Step by step each day I'm learning to lean and trust Him in all things.Thank you for these precious words of encouragement. Today has been a "flooding my bed with tears" day and I find comfort in the fact that He holds me, comforts me, loves me, and keeps my tears in a bottle. I am that precious to Him! Blessings and Love, Muffy

Becky L. said...

Sweet Camille, thanks for the reminder that we aren't home yet. As we lay mom's urn in the ground, in cemetary, last Saturday. a train rumbled by on the track. Mom liked trains. My sis said if that had been an Amtrak train, she would have told me if it was early or late. So true, as she did know the schedule. A sweet reminder that she is in heaven with dad and Jesus and Austin. Our roots aren't here, as our pastor said the other week. So true. Hugs, prayers and blessings.

Cinnamon said...

You have such sweet memories of your dear Austin. Thank you for letting your heart pour out here and sharing the HOPE that we have in Christ.

hugs ~Cinnamon

OurCrazyFarm said...

You are in my prayers and thoughts, Camille. I've been reading John Piper's devotional, Taste and See. It is subtitled, "Savoring the supremacy of God in all of Life." So good, so rich, so God and eternity focused. Yes, keep your eyes there - eternity - Jesus is coming, soon he said. Very soon.

Pam Phelps said...

What beautiful memories, what sorrow and sweetness all combined Camille. I love your picture; what a precious family moment. I am so thankful that we have eternity to look forward too… but it is hard in this present state, to wait isn't it? Love, hugs and blessings to you and your family.
Pam

Camille said...

Dear Debbie ~ Thank you so much for your sweet words of encouragement and for pointing me to the Lord in your comments. I appreciate you. Many hugs. :)

Dear Muffy ~ Yes, you are precious to Him!! What a thought! So sorry that you are walking this path as well my friend...may you know the Lord's loving care in the coming days. How wonderful it is to know that He is with us each step of the journey. Many hugs to you! :)

Dear Becky ~ Truly...our *roots* are in eternity!! What a precious thing to consider. Hugs to you as you miss your parents...keep your heart fixed on those eternal things. It's only such a short time and the Lord will call us Home, too. Hugs. :)

Dear Cinnamon ~ Your kind words are a blessing to my heart my friend...thank you! May you know the Lord's loving hand upon you as you walk your own path of affliction. He goes before you each step of the way. Hugs! :)

Dear Terri ~ What an incredible thought! How precious it is to rest in His perfect and Sovereign plan. Yes, eternity is what really matters. May our Saviour continue to be your portion day after day my friend. Many hugs! :)

Dear Pam ~ You bless my heart with your words my friend...thank you! Many hugs to you as you enter this holiday season without your precious Mama here with you. What a joyful Hope we have in our Saviour!! Hugs. :)

With love,
Camille

Nicole Pelkey said...

Camille. I just found your blog today through "Our Little Corner". :) Your blog looks lovely and I have enjoyed the few post I've been able to read. You have a beautiful family. By reading this post I gather you have lost a son here on tgis earth, I am pleased to read that you with be with him for all eternity SOMEDAY! Its such a blessing to KNOW that, and the hope that Christ gives to us in that great truth!
Blessings new friend, I hope to continue reading here!

Cheesemakin' Mamma said...

All those little reminders of Austin must be bittersweet indeed my friend. I'm praying for you as you enter into the holidays with that piece of your heart missing. May God's grace and peace be all over your family these next couple months especially. Thanks for the well wishes for our growing family. I can still hardly believe it! God Bless you all!

Camille said...

Welcome Nicole ~ It's lovely to *meet* you. Thank you for taking the time to visit and leave a note saying you were here. May the Lord richly bless you and your family as you seek Him each day. Many blessings! :)

Dear Jackie ~ I am so thrilled for you my friend...what a sweet surprise!! Isn't our Great God just so very good to us?? Hugs to you! :)

In His Love,
Camille