The Only Way Forward ~ Ten Weeks

There are times when my breath catches in my throat ~
 it seems as though I may suffocate with the reality we are facing.

When I try to comprehend what it is that we've been called to,
 a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach rises up and threatens to overtake.

When the tears come, as they often do ~
it feels as though they might overwhelm me.
It's a difficult road we have been called to.  Almost crushing.

Austin's absence is felt.  
Keenly.  Everywhere. In everything.
We miss him so very, very much!  

Everything we do is shaded by the grief we are dealing with.
In the midst of this sorrow, however, there are happy times.  
It's the nature of life this side of eternity.
There is conflict in my soul over the reality of it.

How is it possible to be both happy and sad at 
almost precisely the same moment?
 It does seem to be contradictory.  But, it isn't.
It is who we are.  Who we are becoming. 

This journey is being used to shape us.  
We are among those who have tasted bitter sorrow and continue to live.
To experience both sadness and happiness 
in this way is not unusual.  We are not unique.

To accurately put it all into words, 
however, is impossible.

~ Calvin, Fraser and Austin circa 2003 ~

Tomorrow marks ten weeks since the LORD called our
precious Austin Home to Heaven.  

Ten Weeks.  Such a long time.  Such a short time.
There is still more to come.  Much more.
It can be crushing to think this through to its end.
Life without our Austin here can be unbearable to imagine.

But, then we remember.  
We reign ourselves in.  We must!

We remind ourselves of the LORD's promises.  
We remember that He is Faithful.  And, that He is Sovereign.
We remember that He is Good and Perfect.
And, that His ways are always best.

 He will never leave nor forsake His own.
His ways are right.  He carries His people through.
Moment by moment.  Day by day.  One step at a time.
He truly does all things well.

It is not blind faith to live like this.
Rather, it is the only way forward through this maze of grief.
We cannot comprehend walking this path without our Lord.
By God's great grace, we do not have to!
He is with us each step of the way.

And the waters will not overflow ~
It's one of His promises to His people.

 ~ Emma and Austin circa 2003 ~

Throughout these days, we seek to remind ourselves of Austin's gain.

His gain, rather than our loss.  Our loss is great.  But, his gain is greater.
He is experiencing many, many blessings ~ we try to keep our thoughts fixed there.
We focus on what is True.  We focus on Heaven and its reality.

We focus on the Lord and His Word.
We point one another continually to these precious things.

"Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, 
neither have entered into the heart of man,
the things which God hath prepared for them that love Him."
~ I Corinthians 2:9 ~

It's then that the comfort comes.  Only then.

It's then that the breathing becomes easier.  Only then.
It's then that my mind is calmed.  Only then.

Only when my eyes are focused on the Truth.

The reality that Austin continues to live ~ in Heaven rather than here.
The reality that Heaven really is our Home.
The reality that we will soon be there as well.

While I ponder these things, I am able to rejoice.

I can rejoice in the fact that Austin is now free.

Free from sin and death and suffering.

Free from this world and all its vices.

Free to worship unhindered.

Truly free!

One day, we will be set free as well.

This is not our home.  Heaven is.
May we live like it.  May we be patient for it.
May the Lord enable us to be useful while we remain here.
For HIS Glory.  By HIS Grace.  In HIS Strength.

With Love, Camille