Four.

Four.  We have four children.

I cannot get used to having three.  Not at all.

The number of children usually increases in families.  

No one expects the number to diminish.

However, one hundred years ago, they did.
In third world countries today, they do.
But, we didn't expect it.  Not at all.

So, yes, we still have four children.

They just don't all live with us here any longer.

We cannot hug or talk to one of them.
We don't physically provide for one of them.

We don't hear his voice.  His laughter.  Or his footsteps down the hall.
He does not sit with us at meal times.  Or play his violin.
We will not see him until the day we die.  Not until then.
Our Austin has gone before us into eternity.

We miss him.  Every. Single. Day.

The first year has passed and we are now moving into our second.

Today marks thirteen months without our precious son in our home.

Since we buried our Austin, life has changed.

We are altered.  We feel amputated.  We are different.

Nothing here will ever be the same.

But, we grieve with hope.  All is hope.  Only hope.

With the Lord, there is nothing but hope.  
In the midst of sorrow?  Yes, even then.

How it warms our hearts and lightens our steps
to know that one day we will be where our Austin is.
Together with our Saviour.  Never to be parted again.

It makes us smile to think of it.

One day, the Lord will call us home.  Forever.

Until then, we seek to follow wherever He may lead.
We seek to be faithful to live the life He has called us to.
We seek Him.  By His great grace and mercy.  Alone.
It's the only way forward.  Absolutely the only way.

One day, we will see that it was all worth it.  Every part of it.
And, we will praise our Saviour for all eternity for all He has done.
May we found continually praising Him even now.  Until He calls us home.

Only by His grace and strength is any of this possible.  
But, we know that He is faithful.  He will carry us through.

Many Blessings,
Camille

**The photos in this post span the six months between 
August 2010 and February 2011 ~ Austin was fifteen.

The Quotidian (27. 6. 14)

Quotidian: daily, usual, or customary;

everyday; ordinary; commonplace.

Jennifer Jo was the inspiration for these quotidian posts

and she graciously shared with me.  Wasn't that sweet?

I like posting about the everyday things ~

they have a way of changing suddenly and without warning.

How often will I publish posts under this heading?  

Time will tell ~ I make no promises.  :)

One thing is for certain ~ I don't want to miss noticing the seemingly

small and insignificant things of life that can so easily get lost in the shuffle.

This is one way to do avoid doing that.

The pile-up at the front door ~ gear for one.

The hide-out ~ complete with orange pylons.

External spring cleaning (in summer).

Flowers gifted to us in memory of our Austin ~
Our second summer without him here has begun.

Supplies.

Using those supplies.

Outdoor cushions indoors until the rains pass.

The view from my chair one evening as the sun was setting.

Seeking to keep eyes wide open to the joys of now.
Truly, these are gifts directly from HIS hand.
May the Lord help us all to slow down long enough to really see.

Happy Weekend Y'all!
With love, Camille

Just an Illusion

It is just an illusion.  All of what we see around us is temporary.

It truly is an illusion of permanence.  Nothing here will last forever.

Nothing, that is, except our never-dying souls.
That is something to take seriously.  Very seriously.

We so often seem to forget that the things of now
will not go on and on and on forever.

Some things change so quickly we cannot keep up.
But, other things ~ like the mountains, for example ~
have been there for years and years.  Millennia, actually.
Still, they are not permanent either.

Good food for thought.  Yes?



Very frequently I find myself getting caught up in the here and now.
Eternal things get overshadowed by whatever happens to be 
commandeering my attention at any particular moment.  
It ought not to be this way.  I know it.  Eternal perspective is what I seek.

It's where I want my focus to be.  Always.

It has been said that people can be so heavenly minded
that they are of no earthly good.  I heartily disagree.
To be truly heavenly minded is to be of the utmost earthly good.
Only then are we able to shake off the fetters of this world
and soar to the pinnacle of purpose.  Eternal purpose.

We will take none of our treasures with us.
We will leave everything behind.  Absolutely everything.
Let's store up our treasures there.  Only there.
Those are the only type that will last.  Forever.  For all eternity.

One of my treasures is already there.

"Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth,
where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal:
But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth 
nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:
For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."  Matt.6:19-21

All this is utterly impossible without the enabling of our Great God.
May the Lord give His daily grace and strength to follow Him
wherever He may lead.  He is faithful.  We can trust Him.
Always and forever.

Many Blessings,
Camille

**Image in this post courtesy of Calvin ~ 
Thank you my love.  XO

Simple Perfection

I wasn't looking for another vanilla ice cream recipe.
This one just found me.  It really did.  :)

It's creamy and smooth.  Not too sweet.  Just a little bit tangy.
This ice cream is simple perfection.  It requires no egg yolks, 
no making of a custard and setting in the fridge to cure ~ no fuss.
No wait.  (Except for the initial mixing and the churning.)

Served up straight from the mixer, it's perfect.

~ Sour Cream Vanilla Ice Cream ~
Originally found here and adapted slightly by moi.

2 cups full fat sour cream
1 cup half and half cream
1/2 cup whipping cream (heavy cream, unwhipped)
1/2 cup + 2 Tbsp sugar (I use evaporated cane juice)
2 tsp freshly squeezed lemon juice (up to 1 Tbsp if you like it more lemony)
1 tsp vanilla extract (I use pure ~ you could use a little more)
Pinch of sea salt or Himalayan rock salt (ground)

Measure all ingredients into a mixing bowl.
Whisk together until smooth.
Churn in your ice cream maker until thickened.
Serve immediately with berries and cake or just by itself.
This ice cream is best used right away.  It shines as soft serve.
If you want to make it ahead, just pop it into the 
deep freeze for an hour or two to firm it up a bit.  Ideally, no longer.

Whichever way you serve it, you'll enjoy it.
I am sure of that.  :)

Welcome Summer!
Love, Camille 

The Quotidian (21. 6. 14)

Quotidian: daily, usual, or customary;

everyday; ordinary; commonplace.

I originally saw this idea over at Jennifer Jo's place.

I asked permission to adopt it over here, and she said yes.

So, here it is...my first *quotidian* post.  Thank you for sharing, Jennifer.  :)

My sewing centre ~ aka the kitchen table.

34" waist (too big) x 40" inseam (also too big) ~ 
adjustments for the graduate.

She actually enjoys it ~ yippee...yahoo!

Something I learned from my younger sister ~

how to get the most mileage out of the dishwasher.

I like the challenge it presents.  Like doing a puzzle.

It's satisfying to maximize and find that they all come out clean.

Fearless even after injuries.

Pressure washing the roof.

Keeping eyes wide open to the joys of now.

Life is full of many precious moments.  If only we will see.

We are living tomorrow's memories today.

Happy weekend Y'all!

With Love, Camille

It's Official

Our Calvin has graduated from high school.
Last Friday, he walked the stage and had his tassel
transferred from the right to the left.
It's official.  He's done.

 It all kinda snuck up on us.
Wasn't it just yesterday that he was playing trucks
and digging up in the back yard with his big brother?
This is how I remember him.

And now...here we are!
How did it happen?  It seems like a blur.
Time just flies by...doesn't it?

How MUCH we miss our Austin.  It hurts my Mama heart.
How thankful we are that we soon will be together again.
Very soon.  In our forever home.  For all eternity.

The Lord is so very good.  His ways are always perfect.  
Even when things don't turn out the way we want them to.

He is with us each step of this journey.
And He is faithful to carry us through.
May His loving hand be upon you in your lives as well.
Truly, He is the only reason we have any hope at all.

With Love, Camille

All the Dust

I don't have much to say these days.

Perhaps it's because there is so much to do.

We keep on tying up all those loose ends and moving forward.

At the same time, we continue to grieve.  We miss our boy.

It's really quite exhausting.

Right now, it would seem, is a time for silence here.

Thank you for always understanding.  Thank you for grace.

I'll likely be back sometime next week.

When all the dust has settled.  Or, most of it?  :)

Many Blessings,
Camille

**Photo credit ~ Calvin XO

Tying up Loose Ends

The school year is winding down.

We are in the midst of tying up loose ends.

It's busy and good and crazy all at the same time.

This too shall pass.  It's how it goes.

So we work and live and plod along.

The list of to-do gets shorter each day and 

we see the light at the end of the tunnel.

It's a good feeling.

Fraser is preparing for his RCM exam ~ two days to go!

Emma reads in the sunshine....

...and is in the midst of a project.

She is also plodding away at her math.

Calvin just has one more exam to write and is filling
his days with jobs ~ some for pay and some for dinner.  :)

What about me?  I cut three heads of hair this morning.
That's a good feeling, too.

And so it goes.  We are seeking to do the next thing.  
By God's great grace.  And in His strength.

We are thankful for eyes and ears and arms and legs that work.
There are many in this world who struggle to live out their moments.
Who struggle to survive.  Every. Single. Day.  All their days.

Nothing is guaranteed.  We are not promised a life of ease.
We don't know what tomorrow will bring.
However, we do know the One Who holds it all together.

May we never take for granted the blessings we have been given.
And may we look for opportunities to be a blessing to others ~
In ways big and small.  All for the glory of our Great God.

With Love,
Camille

Right Before Our Eyes

It's a big deal.  Orthodontia, that is.
Our first two were subjected to the full treatment.

We are hoping that Fraser and Emma will be able to avoid it. 
Emma did have a little preventative intervention a few years ago.
Hopefully, she will progress just fine.  So far, so good.

Here's our *little* Calvin at the beginning of his adventure.
This photo was taken in January 2012.  He was 14.

Calvin wore the upper brackets for a total of two years,
four months, and ten days (but, who's counting?).  
The lowers were on for just under 23 months.

They came off last week, and now he has a (mostly) new smile.

Here's the proof.  
Yippee...yahoo...he's done!

Yes, for those of you who might be wondering,
there is a missing tooth in the front of our Calvin's smile.
That tooth was not knocked out ~ it just never was.
A Maryland bridge is in the works.  It will fill that space very nicely.

Our boy is so quickly becoming a man.  Right before our eyes.
My mama heart is nearly bursting.  It's not a bad thing, really.
However, time does seem to go by too fast.  I cannot keep up.

These are precious, precious days.

Many Blessings,
Camille  

Tossed

On a recent Sunday, our pastor preached a wonderfully encouraging
sermon from the book of Matthew.  The passage of Scripture retold
the story of the Lord Jesus coming to His disciples on the stormy sea.
He was walking on the water, and Peter asked to come out to Him.

We know how that turned out, don't we?

Peter began to sink and cried out to the Lord to save him.
The Lord reached out and pulled him to safety.
He then chastised Peter for his little faith.

Our pastor pointed out, however, that little faith is not no faith.
I like that.  Little faith is enough when saving is involved.
Of course, we want to see our faith increase, so we pray.

And, the Lord very often answers by sending trials.

~ Austin's Rose in full bloom 2014 ~

At the end of his sermon, our pastor read the following quote.
It was such a blessing to my heart.  I trust it will bless yours as well.

“There is encouragement here for all true Christians. 

Let them know that there is nothing created, which is not under Christ’s control…

He may allow His people to be tried for a season, 

and tossed to and fro by storms of trouble. 

He may be later than they wish in coming to their aid, 

and not draw near till the ‘fourth watch of the night.’ 

But never let them forget that winds, and waves, 

and storms are all Christ’s servants. 

They cannot move without Christ’s permission. 

‘The LORD on high is mightier than the mighty waves of the sea’ (Psalm 93:4).

Are we ever tempted to cry with Jonah, ‘the floods compassed me about: 

all thy billows and thy waves passed over me’ (Jonah 2:3). 

Let us remember they are ‘His’ billows. Let us wait patiently. 

We may yet see Jesus coming to us, ‘walking on the sea.’” 
~ Quoted from Expository Thoughts on the Gospels, p.167 by J.C. Ryle ~

Be encouraged.  Our Great God is with His people in every trial.
His ways and purposes are so much higher than ours.
His grace is always sufficient.  His ways are always best.

If you find yourself to be without Him in the life you live,
cast yourself upon Him.  He is faithful to save.
Utterly and completely.  For all eternity.

Many Blessings,
Camille

Our Austin Lives

In the last few weeks I have been remembering 
Austin's last few weeks last year.  His last days here.
So many last things.  So many memories of the moments.
The last "good night".  The final "good morning".  

No good-bye.

So much blurs with the passage of time.

Memories fade and we cannot fully grasp the past.
So many details are lost in the events recalled.  We forget.

It hurts and is soothing at the very same time.
I do wish it wasn't like this.  

I want to feel it all.  And, yet, I don't.

~ Fraser, Austin, Emma, and Calvin 2004 ~

We were not the type of family that documented

every single thing in photos or video.  In my opinion, that is.
(That changed somewhat with the advent of this blog, thankfully.)
The main things ~ yes.  The everyday stuff ~ not so much.  

I had no idea how precious those things were.
How precious they would become.
We had captured enough.  Or, so I thought.  

~ Disney World 2008 ~

Now, part of me wishes that we had more.

More of the everyday.  More of the moments.
More of the life we lived.  More of everything.
But, it isn't possible.  We cannot go back.  

And now, so much is different.

On Austin's last day here, one year ago today,
we were rejoicing in his regained strength.  His regained weight.

In his ability to resume his studies.  In his strides forward.
The *old* Austin was emerging and it was wonderful.

We thought he was on the road to recovery.  
We fully expected it to happen.

The night before he was taken home to Heaven,
we had no idea that his life was ticking down in minutes and hours
rather than in months and years.  No idea at all.

~ Fraser, Emma, Austin, and Calvin May 2012 ~

I can still picture him, even now, sitting in the living room

on the couch with his computer in front of him and his notes beside him.

He was studying for a geography exam.  It was his most difficult course.

He expressed that to me as I worked just around the corner in the kitchen.

"Mum, this stuff is just so hard."

Perhaps it was so hard because he was so sick?  Perhaps.

He had such a strong constitution.  A determined spirit.
He amazed his doctors with all that he was able to do.

He shouldn't have been able to accomplish nearly all that he did.
Time and time again.  Until his last breath.  Until his last day.

We have lived through this past year in sorrow and in pain.
There have been moments of extreme sadness and grief.
Almost unbearable at times.  Overwhelmingly so.

But, then, we remember.  We must.
We remind ourselves of the wonderful hope we have in our Saviour.
His promise to come again and take us to be with Him.  Forever.
Continually filling our minds with truths like these is the only way forward.

~ Austin June 2012 ~

It is how we continue on.  What we cling to.  How we live.
It is the only reason we have survived this first year without our boy.
It is why we can still smile and rejoice.  Because of this hope.

Our Austin lives.  Truly and completely.  Better than us.
Soon, we will be taken home to heaven as well.
Very, very soon.  And, then...we will live.  Really live.

"But as touching the resurrection of the dead,
have ye not read that which was spoken unto you by God, saying,
I am the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob?
God is not the God of the dead, but of the living."  Matthew 22:31-32

What incredible words of comfort to our hearts.
Our God is the God of the living.  The living!
Praising Him this day for His grace and goodness.
Just as our Austin is doing even now.

With love,
Camille

Two Days Shy

Early tomorrow morning, two days shy of the first anniversary of

our Austin's home-going to Heaven, his three younger siblings 
plan to go to the heart clinic with their Dad(dy).  They each have appointments.
It's the very same heart clinic where we last were with Austin.  Where we often were. 
The Lord-willing, they will be seeing one of Austin's doctors.

I didn't want to be the one to take the children.  
It feels too soon.  It's still too raw.  Perhaps it always will be.
My heart skips a beat just thinking about it.

So, Howie agreed to go.  And, his heart skips a beat, too.

Because Austin had DCM, we are having all our children examined.

It is something we were advised to do.  We have no reason to believe

that any of our other three have hidden heart troubles.  None at all.

But, there is always a chance that this type of thing can be genetic.

So, they are being checked.

As Howie and I chatted about these things last night, we shared some tears.  

And, we both had to remind ourselves once again of the bigger picture.
No matter what the Lord calls us to, He will see us through.
We know this to be absolutely true.  We have witnessed it first hand.  

The grace we need will be provided.  His provisions are never late.

The Lord is the first cause.  In everything.  Always.

And, because He is, we really have no reason to worry or to harbour fears.

We can trust Him and rest in Him.  In His perfect plan.

So, we reigned our hearts in, and we prayed.

This renewing of our minds is a constant battle.
However, it is one worth fighting.  So we fight and we stand.
On the sure foundation on which our lives are built ~ on the Solid Rock.
How precious it is to rest in the Sovereignty of our Great God.
Lasting peace and comfort may be found in Him.  Only in Him.

"My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart,
and my portion forever."  Psalm 73:26

Many Blessings,
Camille

**11AM UPDATE: All is well.  And, the Lord is always good.
Even when the news is not.  Yes, even then.
Thank you so much for your love and prayers ~ y'all bless our hearts.

Today's Mail

On May 13, 2013 Austin mailed an envelope.
It contained documentation for a scholarship he was applying for.
He won the scholarship.  However, he never received it.
The Lord called him Home to Heaven six days prior to it being awarded.

Everything happened so suddenly in those days.
It was all such a blur.  We could barely keep up.

We were told that Austin's application would be brought to his
memorial service along with his graduation cap and school certificate.
It was a kind gesture of loving care on the part of our school.
It's a lovely community for which we are very grateful.

The cap and certificate made it.
Unfortunately, the envelope went missing.

It took nearly a year for that precious package to resurface.
When it was discovered, it was mailed to us.  It arrived this morning.
Austin's envelope was the only item in today's mail.

It came enclosed in a plain brown envelope addressed with unfamiliar writing. 
But, when I opened it up, the original envelope was tucked inside. 
Our Austin's printing was on it.  Seeing that took my breath away.

When I discovered what I was holding, the tears flowed.  Abundantly.
Here was a piece of our boy from the days just prior to his passing into eternity.
I held in my hands a little part of his last days on earth.  Part of him.
We had no idea how special those days were.  How special they would become.

And, we are once again reminded of what is important.
What really matters.  Where he is, and where we are going.
How precious it is to cling to those truths.  Truly precious.

It's the only way forward ~ without a doubt.
Absolutely the only way.

Many Blessings,
Camille

A System for Socks

Long ago I switched up our sock routine.

It is one of the smartest strategies I've ever implemented.

At the time of the switch, my three young men along with
my husband went through socks like nobody's business.  

It was overwhelming.  And, discouraging.

There were so many socks to sort and pair up and put away.

Enter the grand idea of never sorting, pairing up, or putting away again.

Brilliant!  The system has been working out wonderfully well.
I cannot remember how I discovered this way of doing things,
but, I am so incredibly thankful for whoever it was that enlightened me!

So, what do we do with all those socks?

They are washed all at once (in their own separate load
all by their lonesomes) after a full load has been collected,

or, when the sock bin is empty ~ whichever comes first.

When they come out of the dryer, they go straight into the dedicated
laundry basket which lives in the closet in the laundry/mud room.
When socks are needed, the basket is dug through and socks are found.
Never do they need to be paired up or put away.

Happy happy.  No more sock woes.  I love it!
Oh, and those doors are normally shut ~ neat and tidy.  
Better and better.  Out of sight ~ out of mind.



What about you?  Do you have a system for socks?
Do you have other laundry ideas to share?
Do tell.  We'd all enjoy some fresh inspiration, I am sure.

Happy laundry day!
Many Blessings, Camille

The Usual Things

Snapshots of life in recent days around these here parts.

The usual and ordinary things very often are the best, aren't they?

These are the things we will remember with fondness in days to come.

Mum, let's have popcorn!  Okay, let's.  

Of course, I joined them in the eating of it.  :)

Have I mentioned how much Emma loves to swim?

She corralled each of the boys to take her on separate days last week.

The trade-off is that she hangs out the swim gear once they're back. 

Emily the bride ~ she stood there for at least a day

waiting patiently to be un-brided.

The results of the recent sort-out.

 A three-man job.

One of the first buds of the season ~ Austin's rose bush.

Happy Monday, Y'all!

Many Blessings,

Camille