July 1, 2014


Four.  We have four children.
I cannot get used to having three.  Not at all.
The number of children usually increases in families.  
No one expects the number to diminish.

However, one hundred years ago, they did.

In third world countries today, they do.
But, we didn't expect it.  Not at all.

So, yes, we still have four children.
They just don't all live with us here any longer.
We cannot hug or talk to one of them.
We don't physically provide for one of them.

We don't hear his voice.  His laughter.  Or his footsteps down the hall.
He does not sit with us at meal times.  Or play his violin.
We will not see him until the day we die.  Not until then.
Our Austin has gone before us into eternity.

We miss him.  Every. Single. Day.

The first year has passed and we are now moving into our second.
Today marks thirteen months without our precious son in our home.
Since we buried our Austin, life has changed.
We are altered.  We feel amputated.  We are different.

Nothing here will ever be the same.

But, we grieve with hope.  All is hope.  Only hope.

With the Lord, there is nothing but hope.  

In the midst of sorrow?  Yes, even then.
How it warms our hearts and lightens our steps
to know that one day we will be where our Austin is.
Together with our Saviour.  Never to be parted again.

It makes us smile to think of it.

One day, the Lord will call us home.  Forever.

Until then, we seek to follow wherever He may lead.

We seek to be faithful to live the life He has called us to.
We seek Him.  By His great grace and mercy.  Alone.
It's the only way forward.  Absolutely the only way.

One day, we will see that it was all worth it.  Every part of it.

And, we will praise our Saviour for all eternity for all He has done.
May we found continually praising Him even now.  Until He calls us home.

Only by His grace and strength is any of this possible.  

But, we know that He is faithful.  He will carry us through.

Many Blessings,

**The photos in this post span the six months between 

August 2010 and February 2011 ~ Austin was fifteen.


Dianna said...

Oh my, Camille...an entire year, plus one month since Austin's passing. Your post today is absolutely a beautiful testimony of your hope in the faithfulness of our Sovereign God. Many gentle hugs coming your way. Dianna xo

OurCrazyFarm said...

Thinking of you, Camille- praying for you- looking forward to eternity with you:)

Katy said...

Four...yes, truly. My heart grieves *for* you. But, the hope...the beautiful hope He gives is the best sort of thing to cling to. He will carry you...even when you don't feel like you are being carried.

As the tears fall down my face.... my heart aches for you...and yet, I know that I don't really know how much you grieve. I feel guilty about that... that I can only offer words of comfort (if they can even begin to do that) and prayer.

I, too, lost a child. My first, due to an ectopic pregnancy (14 yrs ago). I grieved (and still do from time to time)...but losing a child you have birthed, raised, and loved, hugged and kissed....I can't even imagine your grief fully.

I pray the Comforter wraps each of you in His loving arms and helps you through your hurt. May you cling to Him continually and know that He is there...always.


Anonymous said...

I can't think of any words to say. You said it all and perfectly. You will always have your Austin!!! He was a blessed boy as are the rest of your children to have you for their Mama! Praying for you!

Angela said...

Dear Camille and family, A whole year plus has gone by! I can't imagine how difficult this past year has been. I pray that God will continue to be your comforter and source of hope. Love, Angela

Michelle @ Give a Girl a Fig said...

I'm so sorry for the loss of your son...so, so sorry. I can't imagine...

Your words when you write of him, and of your loss, are beautiful and eloquent and honest. Thank you for sharing that with us...


Maryann said...

We have that hope, that eternal hope, that one day all will be made right again. Looking forward to that day...you are in my prayers my friend
Love, Maryann

Pam said...

Your hope is the most beautiful testimony. Your journey to over come this most difficult sorrow of all: becomes your offering to those who hurt as well. I can't imagine all that you go through to overcome the missing of that special boy. It must indeed be like having part of your body amputated…

Yes you have four. One day sooner than any of us realize, we will be reunited with those we love. It seems a long time away doesn't it? Yet to have that hope is the Lord's anchor in our lives. Love, hugs and blessings to you Camille… keeping you in my prayers.

Camille said...

Dear Dianna ~ Thank you my friend...thank you. You are right...the Lord is sovereign and perfect in all His ways. I appreciate your encouragement. Hugs to you! :)

Dear Terri ~ Yes, eternity is an amazing reality! How precious it is to know that one day the Lord will call us home, too. Hugs to you. Thank you for praying for us...we pray for you as well. :)

Dear Katy ~ Your words are a sweet blessing to my heart...thank you for sharing your heart with me. I am sorry for your loss...it is loss just as much as ours is...absolutely. The Lord is the One Who gives the grace every moment of every day. He is so gracious with us, isn't He? Hugs. :)

Dear Nikki ~ Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement...you bless my heart. Hugs to you. :)

Dear Angela ~ I appreciate your kind friendship and your prayers for our family...you have been a blessing to us all. May the Lord continue to guide you in the coming days. He is faithful. :)

Dear Michelle ~ Thank you for your sweet words here...you bless my heart. The Lord is good. :)

Dear Maryann ~ Yes, my friend...one day. The Lord is just so good to us, isn't He? Thank you for your friendship and prayers. Hugs to you! :)

Dear Pam ~ Your words made me tear up...I know your loss is fresh and you write from a heart that understands. Truly...Heaven and eternity is nearer than we realize...thank you for that reminder. Hugs to you! Praying for you as well. :)

With Love,

Intentional Living Homestead said...

Oh Camille: I'm so sorry. Cannot believe it's already been 13 months.

I feel like I'm around pain so much lately. A dear friend and adoptive mother was killed in a car accident this weekend and left behind a husband and 15 children. I just cannot wrap my brain around this. Then I come here and I read your post and it just makes me LONG for the Lord to return and put an end to all this suffering.

We were never designed by God to be separated from each other. Sin did that....and so we pray and ask God to come quickly. And to care for those whom are grieving this day and every day.

Sending many hugs your way,

Sandy said...

Dear Camille,
Looking to the Lord brings great comfort to us. Your post and faithfulness shows our LORD is gracious. Yes, one day we'll all be in the presence of the LORD, how wonderful the thought, how wonderful to imagine. Hugs to you my dear friend and praying for you all.
Love in Christ,

Camille said...

Dear Connie ~ I have been praying for you and your friend's family. May the Lord give much grace and strength in the coming days. ((Hugs))

Dear Sandy ~ Yes, He is truly gracious to us....always! Thank you so much for your prayers. Hugs to you!

With love,