September 25, 2014

Too Real

We have some far-flung relatives who are dear to our hearts.
One of those is a sweet auntie who lives in Wales.
In a recent phone conversation, she said she wanted
me to send her a family photo of us without Austin in it.
Not because she wants to forget Austin.

But, because she cannot imagine us without him.

You see, the last time she was here, he was with us.  Now he's not.
It doesn't seem to be real to her that he's gone on ahead.
I don't want to send that photo.  I don't want to take that photo.
Because it makes it too real for me.  It verifies what I know.  

It hurts.  Every. Single. Time.

Though we are, and always will be, a family of six ~

Austin will never be in a family photo with us again.
It is not how I wish it was.  But, it is how it is.

That doesn't change the fact that I don't want to 

take new photos without him.

We have, however, taken photos of just the five of us.

And, we will, Lord-willing, take many more over the years.
And, we will always miss our Austin.  Always.

It won't feel right until we are all together again.
In Heaven.  With the Lord.  For all eternity.
Only then.  Not until then.

I am incredibly thankful that we do have the certain hope of Heaven.

It makes everything here more bearable.  More do-able.
The Lord goes before us and leads us so gently along.  Step by step.
We will continue to follow Him until the day He calls us Home.

By His grace and in His strength. 

For His glory.  Alone.

Many Blessings, Camille

**Photos in this post are from a family vacation in 2005.


Chelle said...

I pray for you often. He will always be apart of your family and in your hearts.

Pam said...

Oh, it must be so hard when it comes to all these parts of life. I can't imagine all the details that have to be worked through. I love all of the family photos; they are just beautiful. Thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers.

Patty said...

I breathe a sigh and lift you up in prayer, knowing you are right. The Lord is near! Beautiful memories.

OurCrazyFarm said...

No wise words, my blog friend. Only prayers. And a {{{Hug}}}. And tears to add to yours.

Grandmabeckyl.blogspot said...

Aw, Camille. Life isn't the same without Austin, here on earth. Love the sweet children you have now and make memories with them. Take photos, live on as Austin remains with you forever in your hearts. My prayers for you as you go forward, daily, walking in God's love and peace. Yes, heaven will be awesome. Hugs!

Intentional Living Homestead said...

I have no wisdom...just prayer and tears for you and your family.

Sending many hugs as well.


Jill said...

It is those wonderful, amazing memories of the good times that help us through. You gave him an amazing life and he went "home" happy and at peace.... treasure that always knowing you did everything you could. God bless you and your family through this grieving process. Big hugs...


OurCrazyFarm said...


I read this post late last night and couldn't quit thinking of you. Had to share the link:

I'm still chewing the meat of the message and working on sorting out the awesome wisdom of God to give us what we really need: Faith in Him so that He is displayed as most treasured and glorious to the world around us.

Keep fighting the good fight of believing. Jesus promised that He is coming soon. SOON. He said soon.


Stacie, A Firefighter's Wife said...

Boy that is a tough one. I can totally relate, if only for a year. The reminder that your family isn't whole is just so painful. Someone is missing. Period. I stopped scrapbooking, because I couldn't bear it. I was an avid scrapbooker. I still can't bear it right now. Just not ready.

I pray that God will give your peace today.

Camille said...

Dear Chelle ~ It is such a blessing to our hearts that the Lord's people pray! Thank you for remembering us before His Throne of Grace. Hugs to you. :)

Dear Pam ~ It's so wonderful to know that though we don't know all that lies before us, the Lord does, and He is faithful. What a precious thing it is to belong to Him. Thank you so much for praying for us. You bless my heart. Hugs. :)

Dear Patty ~ How wonderful it is to know that the Lord is gently leading us all along...thank you for acknowledging that reality my friend. Hugs to you! :)

Dear Terri ~ No words necessary...thank you for understanding and for praying. :)

Dear Becky ~ How precious it is to know that before long, the Lord will call each of His own to Himself! What an amazing thing to ponder! Hugs to you. :)

Dear Connie ~ Thank you for praying and for the hugs. Hugs to you as well! :)

Dear Jill ~ Your words are so thoughtful and kind...thank you my friend. Hugs to you. :)

Dear Terri ~ Thank you so much for sharing the link to that message...I will be sure to spend some time there. It is always such a blessing to refresh ourselves in the Truth of our Great God and Saviour. Thank you for thinking of us and for your prayers. I know you know. How wonderful it is to know that the Lord is faithful and gives exactly what is best. May we truly bring glory to His and forever. Hugs to you! :)

Dear Stacie ~ How precious it is to belong to our wonderful Lord...He is faithful and walks this path with you and your family. He will continue to give grace and strength for the road ahead. Don't rush's okay to take time to process it all. Many Hugs! :)

With love,

Melissa said...

I have no words, Camille. May The Lord of all comfort continue to give you peace. May He bless you in your faithfulness to proclaim His Name.

Cheesemakin' Mamma said...

Oh, Camille. I don't blame you for not wanting to take new family pics a bit. How hard! I'm praying God's comfort on you for these little details that most people don't even think of that are so significant. May God continue to lift you up and get you through this life day by day, even minute by minute when the days are super tough. Hugs to you, my friend! BTW, Josiah is loving his homeschool Latin class

Debbie Harris said...

God in His grace...
Such a heart felt post, dear Camille.
Your love for our Savior radiates for us to see as you live your life walking close to His side.
Your walk with the Lord brings glory to Heaven, what a praise!
You are a blessing to my heart, Camille.
God bless you and keep you ever so close to His side.
Joy! Debbie

Camille said...

Dear Melissa ~ How precious it is to belong to our Great God and His family! Thank you for your kind words and sweet encouragement. :)

Dear Jackie ~ You always bless my heart my friend...thank you! SO glad that your Josiah is loving his Latin class! :)

Dear Debbie ~ How much I need Him....every single day! Thank you for your kind words of bless my heart. :)

With love,

1HappyWife said...

Praying for you, Friend and sending hugs.

Charis said...

praying for you!

Camille said...

Dear Joleena ~ Thank you SO much for your prayers and for your sweet encouragement through this means. The Lord is so very good to us, isn't He? Hugs to you! :)

Dear Charis ~ Thank you for praying for is such a blessing to our hearts to know that people are lifting us before the Throne of Grace. Many blessings to you! :)

With Love,